HR Communication, 24-style

Frank Roche at KnowHR often mentions that HR communication should be surprising. Episode 3 of the new 24 season (it's already the 7th) is a great example of how to surprise your audience.

Granted, episodes 1 and 2 were nice, although not earth shattering. But the third episode was just packed with goodies and surprises.

(HR) communication at its best!
Plenty of unexpected turns, awesome reveals, old friends showing up out of nowhere, fun tech hacks, etc.

But then again, if you're working in HR, you certainly don't have two trial runs because by the time you fire off your gem to "group: all staff", nobody will be reading your messages.

My recommendation:
Safely store drafts one and two in the Recycle Bin or feed them to your hungry shredder (you might know the saying: a shredder is a HR Pro's best friend...) and only publish the glorious version 3 of your communication!
.

HR Wench And Boobs

Did you read the title of this post? Really?

I'm having fun right now and it might not be healthy in a long-term kind of way. When Jenn reads this post, she will either hate me forever and a day or uncontrollably roll on the floor and - between spasms of giggles - shout "what an idiot, I'm laughing so hard every fiber in my body hurts when I even try to breathe. I will never ever again eat Swiss chocolate!"

Okay, now that I wrote this flamboyant introduction, it's actually not half as wild as you might have expected.

I went to my RSS reader, checked out Wenchie's new post about staying positive while looking for a job (it's a great post, you really should check it out), thought I might add some smart-ass comment so I opened a new tab to her blog page, read the existing comments, clicked on Kerry's link and read the boob post. It's a funny post. If you work in HR, you know that it might happen. And if you work in HR long enough, you know it will happen to you eventually.

Tip: google "career change now, and-I-mean-RIGHT-NOW!"

Oh phooey, I still need to post a smart-ass comment on Wenchie's blog...
.

Link: In Defense Of HR Professionals

I'm certainly the first to admit that there are a lot of numskulls working in HR (like everywhere else). When asked about my career choice I often reply that I certainly wouldn't work in HR if I had a choice. And everybody who ever shared an office with me heard me groan that I should have learned an honest profession when I was young.

Fact is that I love working in HR. Last week a manager said that it was obvious that I felt comfortable working in HR. I think I'll buy this man a beer.

Here's what Bob Sutton wrote on his blog:

HR people often get more abuse than they deserve because they are so often put in a position where no one notices them when they do something right, but they get blamed out of proportion when things go wrong.

If you're an HR Pro, do yourself a favor and go read it.
If you think all HR departments all over the world are populated exclusively by idiots, go read it and have some pity ;-)
.

Things We Would Love To Say

There are things most HR professionals would love to say from time to time. I know I do. But insulting people is (un)fortunately not in our job description ;-)

Dr. House doesn't care. He's rude, insensitive and he speaks his mind. I'm only halfway through episode 1 of the 5th season, but he already inspired me. Someday, maybe, I'll tell a line manager:

You're being an idiot!

.

The Interwebs - And Why Sometimes I'm Too Enthusiastic

It's almost scary how much I love the Interwebs. And sometimes I can even go a bit overboard with my enthusiasm.

Jenn Barnes published a post on HRM Today called 10 Reasons Why HR Professionals Should Blog (hint to recruiters: she's currently looking for a job!).

So I started happily commenting on 5 of the 10 points and hit the "add comment" button. Afterwards I realized that my comment was almost as long as the original post and felt that this was a really rude thing to do. Luckily the HRM Today engine (hosted on Ning) lets you delete comments.

On the other hand I really liked what I had written, so here it is, so to speak within my own four virtual walls.

________________________________
Comments on the 10 Reasons Why HR Professionals Should Blog

1.It's fun
Yeah, you betcha. I'm definitely having a blast with this whole online stuff including my blog!

2. It's a great conversation starter
Nope, my techie friends are usually not interested in HR and many of my HR buddies think the Interwebs are for crazies and don't have time to read these blog thingies. Seriously, most times I mention my blog during a conversation the topic changes within 20 seconds or less.
And then people wonder why I spend so much time with my HR blogger friends on Twitter and HRM Today ;-)

6. You participate in talking about the profession instead of hearing about the profession from others (especially those pesky "experts").
It's true, exchanging ideas with and learning from like-minded people from all over the world is amazing.
And the funny thing is that some of them are actually "experts", but in this situation they're just another blogger who talks to you instead of at you.

8. Sometimes you have fans - and they are adorable and sometimes even "star struck" when they meet you in person. Really!
Star struck? Not yet. But I'm realizing that some truly awesome people are reading my blog. Some leave comments, others tell me through email or Twitter. Some are complete strangers who impress me with their insights or just because they're friendly and supportive. Others are bloggers I truly admire and I would never have expected them to notice what I write.

10. You learn more about yourself, the profession and technology than you ever thought possible.
This is so true! When blogging I reveal my point of view on certain things and everybody in the world with an Internet connection can potentially read it. This forces me to think very hard about certain things. It's amazing how much I learned and the matrix (as in Gibson, not the movie) is a major reason why my passion for HR is still growing and growing.
.

Less Cheese, More Meat!

Are there still people who pretend that the Interwebs aren't any good for generating and sharing ideas?

Mark's article at HC3 Take Control Of Your Job And Your Success reminded me of an idea I had for a t-shirt. I also mentioned his article as an inspiration for my post Give Them What They Want. Mark then shared in the comments one of the reasons why he's in charge of HR for a multinational corporation:

I jumped to doing all the things in HR most just dream about when I figured out "its not all about me"...I am with you on this one, less cheese, more meat!!! [..]

By the way, "It's not about you" is the 3rd career lesson in Dan Pink's book Johnny Bunko.

And as today's grand finale, here's a terrible picture of my great idea:



.

Give Them What They Want!

I'm in a great mood today (see previous post), but I really need to get this off my chest:

HR people need to stop whining all the time.

Instead, we need to start listening to our customers and provide them with what they really need.

Free bonus tip:
They might want something different from what we think they need.

Shocking hypothesis:
They might even be right!

Rick at Flip Chart Fairy Tales discussed a McKinsey article mentioning that

• HR professionals see themselves in a far better light than Line Managers see them
• HR thinks they should be the judge of how effective they are
  
• And we're still looking for reasons why we should have a seat at the table

Mark at Human Capital 3 wrote a very inspiring post explaining why he can't stand mediocrity and encouraging HR professionals to strive for more.

Yes, I want my seat at the table someday. But I'm not ready yet and still have a long way of hard lessons and painful mistakes in front of me.

I also want to start seeing my HR job more like a business. How can I expect line managers to play along with all the cool HR stuff like employee development programs if they still struggle with basic processes? Why should they see me as a valuable strategic partner if I don't deliver them solid support with basic things?

Wait, we're in HR. We read all the good books and know what the company needs. We're just misunderstood and under appreciated. Nobody understands us. The other kids are so mean.

Or could it be that I have to prove myself first? Do I understand my line managers' business and know what they're struggling with day after day? Did I seriously think about how I could make their lives easier?

Would the line managers agree to pay me if I was an outside consultant?

My recent post Employees Are A Necessary Evil is probably a sign that I'm losing patience lately. And I know that I have a tendency to make snarly comments, but I really like this quote from the TV show Burn Notice. It's about spies, but I decided to apply it to us HR folks.

You know HR professionals... bunch of bitchy little girls.

.

Challenge: A World Without HR [Update 5]

Here's another contribution to the A World Without HR Contest:

• HR Minion (including dress code policy and nepotism)
  

Previous entries:

• Laurie from Team Building Is For Suckers
  
• Rick from Flip Chart Fairy Tales
• Wenchie from HR Wench
• Rachel Robbins from The Employment File
• Kris Dunn from The HR Capitalist
• Michael Wade from Execupundit.com
• Liz Williams from CollaborationZone

Thanks to everybody who participated!
You're so diverse, I'm proud of you ;-)
.

What Would You Buy?

I love money, but I'm in HR. And since I'm not willing to give up either my love or my calling, I need to find alternative ways to generate additional income ;-)

When thinking about starting a business, the first question is probably:

What could I sell to as many people as possible?

But I just read Seth Godin's post Self Promotion, so if and when I start selling something, I want to be able to say:

Here's something you'll enjoy, so I made it available to you.

Now my question to my valued readers:

What would you enjoy?

I've been thinking about coffee mugs, t-shirts and mouse pads with silly and/or witty phrases that have something to do with HR.

• Would you buy this kind of stuff?
• If yes, do you prefer text only or text combined with some nice/cute/funny/surprising picture?

And...

• Do you have any great ideas?
• Do you want to license them? (see this post on Tim Ferriss' blog)

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or send me an email.

Come on, don't be shy, we're a small circle of friends here (around 40 Feedburner subscribers plus almost 300 unique visitors per week on the blog page).
.

Random Thoughts: Work Smarter, Not Harder

I'm a bit embarrassed to say, but I always thought the expression "work smarter, not harder" was invented by Scott Adams since I first read it in a Dilbert comic.

Now I learned in Drucker's "The Essential Drucker" that it was first coined by Frederick Taylor, the father of Scientific Management.

Oh well, at least I learned something ;-)
.

SHRM In The World

This is my rant about SHRM (Society For Human Resource Management).

Laurie Ruettimann wrote about "Where In The World Is SHRM"? The answer is very simple: it's in the US, baby!

I'm following dozens of HR blogs and sites dedicated to HR and I have to admit that they're mostly originating from the US. So from time to time I read about SHRM.

Whenever I visit their homepage I realize that you get zilch unless you're a member. So here's my beef with SHRM:

1) Be a paying member
Surf the Internet, read blogs, google for cool keywords, but whenever you land on the SHRM page, all the interesting articles are only for members.

2) SHRM is international
Laurie quoted in her post from the SHRM homepage: "individual members in over 125 countries". My guess is that it's people who joined SHRM in the US and then moved to another country. Lucky for SHRM that they both continued to pay their membership fees and sent in their address changes.

3) SHRM is international (again)
After reading Laurie's post I checked out their homepage (again) for 10 minutes trying to find out how I could become a member of this international organization (on a good day, I usually give a site 90 seconds to convince me they're worth my time...).
There are chapters in plenty of US states, but how can I subscribe as a non-US resident? This is supposed to be an international HR organization (again: "individual members in over 125 countries")!

I'm hard-core HR, I have an international attitude, but where can I register?

Conclusion: SHRM is an organization for yankees. Period.
.

Casual Day 10: Final Communication To The Staff

This is the final message I sent abusing the "send to all" mailing list of my now former employer to introduce my very own brand of the "Casual Day Program".

For the previous Casual Day posts please click here and start reading in reverse order. The idea for this prank was stolen / borrowed from a post on the Career Encouragement Blog.

Week 4, Friday

Following my last email and the threats I received from Senior Management, please accept my apologies for the somewhat harsh tone of the previous announcement ("Why can't you people understand that NO MEANS NO!").

Management also asked me to mention that if you really, really want to restart the Casual Day Program, you can send a formal Project Request to [name] (Chief Projects Officer). The official request form can probably be found somewhere on the Intranet.

PS:
And for those who still have doubts... yes, it was all a joke!

meh ;-)

Final Comments

• This was published on the last day with my now former employer. The farewell apero was awesome. Thanks guys! And don't worry, I'll put the vouchers to good use. I already bought a 8 GB USB stick.
• The after party dinnner was great as well and I'll never forget the after-after-party. Thanks to the Stupid Kid, I'll take good care of La Nera!
• For Laurie: when I say former, I don't mean pformer but sformer ;-)
  

.

Casual Day 9: Almost Over

I'm publishing all 10 messages introducing the "Casual Day Program" I started just before leaving my now former employer.

For the previous Casual Day posts please click here and start reading from the bottom.

Week 4, Thursday

Please note: As we already told you, HR is no longer managing the Casual Day.

Even if you send us 5 emails per day (you know who you are!), we won't restart the Casual Day Program.

Why can't you people understand that NO MEANS NO!

True Story

On Thursday of week 3 an employee called me on his day off and said:

Hi, right now I'm dressed like a hobo. But since tomorrow is a public holiday, the Casual Day is today, right?

I really miss my former Head of A&C ;-) .

Link: Packing Heat

How to deal with annoying employees (or job applicants) politely but firmly? A nice after hours party? Why HR professionals shouldn't pack heat?

I just read this excellent post called Iron at Waiter Rant.

The owner sits next to me, places the holstered gun near my right elbow, and extends his glass.

“What caliber is that thing?” I ask, pouring out three fingers of grain alcohol.

“It’s a forty-five.”

“Well,” I say. “That’s one way to keep the staff in line.”

“Work wonders with the vendors too.”

.

Casual Day: Bonus

Here's a little Casual Day Special. The HR Specialist (who hated me for at least 3 minutes after Casual Day 7) received the following email from a former employee:

As a [name of company] ex-employee I regret to see that a “casual day” scheme has been setup just after I left the company. It was my wish indeed during my entire time with the company, that such system was implemented though unfortunately my requests were blatantly ignored; in all truth, I find it quite aggravating the fact that HR waited until my resignation to take action on this respect. As a result of this entire ordeal I feel it is within reason that I be compensated for the obvious psychological and physical stress I have just been put through.

Should you have any questions or require any further information, please do not hesitate to let me know.

I have no idea which idiot forwarded the Casual Day announcements to this former employee ;-)

Casual Day 7 & 8: I Know, I Missed One Day

Okay, I should have published Casual Day 7 yesterday. So consider today a Special Bonus Day with days 7 and 8!

And this is the last week! The final message will be published on Friday!

For the previous Casual Day posts please click here and start reading from the bottom.

Week 4, Tuesday

Our Employee Assistance Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Please contact [name of HR Specialist] at [email address] for further information.

Comment

• My dear colleague (the HR Specialist) hated me for at least 3 minutes!

Week 4, Wednesday

Due to the unexpected complexity of the Casual Day Program, the HR Department is no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day.

Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

Comment

• Nothing to do with the Casual Day Series, but I'm posting this using free Wi-Fi at a restaurant. I only had to pay for the excellent Saltimbocca Alla Romana (and some beer...).
  

.

Bonus: To Pay Or Not To Pay

Setting up a bonus system is difficult enough. But if you don't think it through, you will be completely screwed once you have to start paying hard cash to employees.

Ann Bares at Compensation Force discusses how a company put a bonus system in place and tried to find a way out when they realized how much it would actually cost them.

HR Wench turned this into a HR pop quiz.

Here are my replies to Wenchie's 3 questions.

Disclaimer:
I'm pretty tough on the HR Manager in question. I don't know her personally and base my comments solely on what I read in Ann's post. Maybe she is incompetent, inexperienced, or maybe she's an excellent HR Professional and we just don't know enough about her situation.

1. What mistakes did the HR Manager make prior to calling Ann?
The bonus system was set up by Senior Management while HR was "involved". The HR Manager's job is to give advice to management and to warn them of possible problems.

The HR Manager should have prepared a cost projection. Ideally she would also have talked to Finance about bonus accruals (see also my "napkin advice" below) and given feedback on the planned targets.

A former boss once told me "bring me solutions, not problems." What he meant was that he wanted me to think before bothering him and he expected me to make at least one suggestion that we could discuss. The HR Manager called Ann and basically said: "Help! Solve my problem!"

2. What, if anything, is wrong with the bonus plan?
The way the targets are set up, employees get the maximum possible bonus for an average company performance. If you link the bonus to the success of the company, well duh, you should only pay great bonuses if the company is doing great.

Here a purely fictional example:

• company target is to earn 100 cookies
• 100% bonus for 100 cookies, 50% bonus for 80 cookies and 0% bonus for 50 cookies or less
• replace "cookies" with your local currency

In an ideal world the company should be happy to pay 100% bonus for 100 cookies earned. Otherwise the bonus targets are wrong or the company should just stay away from any bonus system and stick to base salaries.

By the way, I heard that revenue is not a good indicator of a company's success, but this is just a simple example. And since I'm in HR, I don't really know the difference between revenue, benefit, cash flow, EBITDA, etc. All I know is that it's complicated ;-)

3. What would you do if you found yourself in this situation?
My job would be to remind management that they made a commitment to their employees and that keeping promises is usually considered a good thing.

Then I would have to bite my tongue really hard. Otherwise I might tell them that they're just a bunch of dumbasses who should have used their brains before launching the new and shiny bonus system.

Finally, if they still planned on not paying bonuses, I would mention the consequences listed by Ann ("kiss morale, trust and credibility - along with your most talented employees - goodbye"). As a last resort, I would mention legal implications.

Oh yes, and it might be a good time to update my CV!

Napkin calculation:
The most advanced compensation calculations probably require a degree in Quantum Physics. But for a very general idea of the costs of a bonus system, take a napkin and make the following calculation:

• assumption: 100 employees, average base salary 50k, average maximum bonus 10% of base salary
• payment for 100% bonus achievement: (100% achievement) * (100 emps) * (50k salary) * (10% bonus) = 500k
• add social security costs (useful for bonus accruals): (500k bonus) + (20% soc sec costs) = 600k

For a more precise projection, make this calculation per employee. And if the targets are good (i.e. difficult to reach), then change the expected achievement to something more realistic.


Feel free to tell me in the comments where you agree or disagree with me.
.

Casual Day 6: The Manual

I'm publishing all 10 messages introducing the "Casual Day Program" I started just before leaving my now former employer.

For the previous Casual Day posts please click here and start reading from the bottom.

Week 3, Thursday

The Casual Day Steering Committee has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy may be distributed to every employee.

Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday.

Should you have any doubts regarding the appropriateness of an item of clothing, please contact [name of VP HR] before 7:00 am CET on Friday.

Comment

• Nobody called my old boss on Friday morning. Lucky me, otherwise I wouldn't be able to post this due to death caused by strangulation.

.

Challenge: A World Without HR [update 4]

The long awaited contribution from Laurie is here. I've said it before, but it looks like this woman's core competency is to be both crazy and brilliant at the same time:

• Laurie from Team Building Is For Suckers
  

Bonus: Contribution to the first challenge

• Rick from Flip Chart Fairy Tales (and, of course, he had to break the rules...)

Previous entries:

• Rick from Flip Chart Fairy Tales
• Wenchie from HR Wench
• Rachel Robbins from The Employment File
• Kris Dunn from The HR Capitalist
• Michael Wade from Execupundit.com
• Liz Williams from CollaborationZone

Who's next?

More information in the original challenge post.
.

Casual Day 5: Casual Day Steering Committee

I'm publishing all 10 messages introducing the "Casual Day Program" I started just before leaving my now former employer.

For the previous Casual Day posts please click here and start reading from the bottom.

Week 3, Tuesday

As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 5-member Casual Day Steering Committee has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

I received the following feedback from colleagues

• sent by email: "Drunk?"

.