24 February 2008

Book: Stupid White Men (Why Paying Fair Salaries Makes Sense)

In his book Stupid White Men Michael Moore, the far-left extremist who wants to destroy America, gives advice on how employers can get the most out of their employees ("larger profits, a more productive workforce, and no labor problems").

Here's his progressive-revolutionary program:

Make sure the amount you pay your employees is enough for them to own their own home, have reliable transportation, take a vacation, and send their kids to college.
His theory is that employees who earn enough to make a decent living won't have to worry about paying the rent and feeding their kids but will instead be able to fully focus on their job.

Although this approach sounds a bit extreme it might still be worth a try. But still, what a capitalistic sell-out this Moore guy is...

Link: Unemployment

Here are 2 links to important tips for the unemployed:

Again and again, I'm impressed by Laurie's ability to analyze the tons and tons of information she must come across every day and then boil it down to the things that really matter. So here is according to her limitless wisdom the absolutely most important thing to remember for everybody who's "in between challenges":
Don't forget to pay the cable bill.
Robert Scoble is known as a technical evangelist and has been called an Uber-Blogger, but he also recently posted advice in case you loose your job in 2008. However, if you lost your job in 2007, then you're screwed. Just kidding...

Two of my favorite tips are:

  • Don't feel bad about taking government assistance
  • Always have your suit ready

15 February 2008

Link: Shake Therapy

HR Wench has posted the secret instructions to the Shake Therapy, without any doubt the most important technique every HR professional must know (see last paragraph of the post).

12 February 2008

The Happy Employee Is Back!

While off the blogging radar I was busy with the "2 months project done more or less in 3 weeks".

I also started going to work earlier in the morning with the consequence that I'm now a fully qualified light on switcher. And just so we're clear, I could find my office blindfolded. But I turn on the light for my colleagues who show up after I do. After all, I don't want them to get hurt while looking for the light switch.

Okay, to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth: I don't really care about them. But I definitely hate filling out accident reports!

I was also busy looking for a new job. Today I found the contract offer in the mail, so I guess I have no more excuses for not blogging...

While catching up on other people's posts, I decided to do two tests recommended by Laurie. I understand that these are very reliable, fully scientific tests. After all, if you saw it on TV or read it on the Internet, then it must be true, right?

1. The Blog Readability Test
Apparently, this is the level of education required to understand my blog:

blog readability test

2. The "How Evil Are You" Quiz
This is the final proof that I made the right career decision when throwing myself head-first into the scary world of HR:

How evil are you?

And since I've got a new job now, my next post will be about unemployment. Sounds logical?

09 February 2008

J-2: Are you a successful HR professional?

This is a guest post by my "friend" Johnny. Since he talked to the media my mother is calling me 10 times a day. So I had no choice but to let him post once again...

By Jaded Johnny (J-2)

The other day I talked to a former colleague. He very proudly told me about his test that supposedly proves that he's a successful HR professional.

He said that although working in HR for 10 years he never:
  • used illegal drugs
  • had a nervous breakdown
  • physically assaulted an employee
This, of course, is pure nonsense. In my book you're a successful HR professional if you regularly beat up employees and manage to get away with it.

I'm still working hard on reaching this state of pure bliss, but SatireWire's Employee Slapping Widespread, Effective ("Feel the stress fly off your fingertips") is always a great inspiration.

06 February 2008

The Happy Employee still missing!

The Happy Employee, a little-known blogger, has been missing since the end of December 2007.

An unreliable source who pretends to be knowledgeable of the blogger scene and insisted on remaining anonymous had the following to say:
The Happy Employee left on a 2 week vacation a few days before Christmas. During the first week he published a few posts which were mostly quotes. This, by the way, is a cheap way to increase the post count. Serious bloggers don't use this kind of disgusting tricks.
HR Wench, a successful and well-respected HR blogger, didn't say that
No posts for over a month! He probably thinks that he's safe hiding in Europe. But if he doesn't reappear very soon I'll have to go over there. And I'll swim if I have to!
Mr. Jaded Johnny, who describes himself as a life-long friend and close confidante to the Happy Employee, made the following statement:
The lazy bastard told me that he enjoyed his 2 week vacation very much but that he's been very busy since the beginning of the year. What a loser. If he doesn't let me post something on his blog very soon, I'll start disclosing some juicy details about his past. And this would definitely break his mother's heart!
Of course, we will keep a close eye on this story and immediately inform our readers of any further developments.